Sex Lies and Hollywood

Star Jones is mad as hell.  She’s been railing against Barbara Walters, saying Barbara only revealed her affair with an African-American senator in the 1970’s as a tawdry way to sell copies of her new book.   “It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character,” Jones told Us Weekly magazine.   According to a source close to The View, though, “Star is just letting off some steam.  The truth is, she’s just jealous because Barbara Walters got to have sex with a black man.” 

International Herald Tribune

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Only three weeks until the Sex and the City premiere!   21 days and counting, and America’s collective vagina can hardly contain its excitement.   In fact the hormonal pull of this movie is so strong that gynecologists are reporting national changes in ovulation schedules; a source close to The New England Journal of Medicine called Sex and the City “the ultimate dominant menstruator,” and predicts the moon could actually be pulled slightly off axis the weekend of the premiere. 

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A new stamp honoring Frank Sinatra goes on sale next week.   First-day-of-sale ceremonies for the 42-cent stamp will be held Tuesday in three locations familiar to the famed singer and actor– New York City, Hoboken and Las Vegas.

According to a source close to the post office, the stamp works differently than most – it pays you $500 to lick it, and the next morning it eats fried eggs off your chest.  

 AZ Central

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Susan Sarandon has taken the plunge – at age 61, she got a tattoo.   The tattoos are the initials of the two sons she’s had with boyfriend Tim Robbins and the daughter she had with director boyfriend Franco Amurri.   A source close to the tattoo artist said he was proud to do the tattoos for the actress, saying “her back is kind of like a war memorial of celebrity children born out of wedlock.”

Daily Mail 

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Madonna, who is known for her willingness to do almost anything to cause a sales-boosting stir, locked lips with one of her female backing dancers during a private concert in Paris yesterday, then asked the crowd: “Why do I have this relationship with France? I’m always drawn to working with French people and frenching French people. Vive la France!”  

Could it be, perhaps, that Madonna’s stunts are growing stale, or is that these antics were more beguiling when she wasn’t a peri-menopausal hag who’s worked out so much that she looks like one of the bodies in that traveling show of polyurethaned corpses?    What with AARP Magazine poised for delivery to her home, maybe she should start thinking about tossing in the towel on France and heading west to Branson.  There she can once again be the daring fresh-faced ingénue; maybe she can even hang out with Yakov Smirnoff and start working up a Russian accent for her next re-invention.  

SMH.com

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A CNN source says Ryan Seacrest, who has filled in for Larry King in the past, is involved in “serious negotiations” to take over “Larry King Live” around year’s end.  King told New York Times in April 2007 that Seacrest would be his first choice.  

With Seacrest on course to cover 40% of the nation’s airwaves by the time TV goes digital in ‘09, a source close to the entertainer says it’s only a matter of time until Seacrest’s house is turned into a TV studio and his waking hours are broken into compartmentalized pods which are divvied up to the various networks.  According to the source, “Breakfast With Seacrest will be on Food Network.  His workout will be Running With Ryan on ESPN.   Social engagements will be used as segments in the Larry King Show.  Afternoons will be devoted to PBS’ Rascally’ Ryan and the Loopy Lion.  You’ll know he needs a vacation when the Travel Channel announces Two If By Seacrest.  Bringing it full circle will be Cinemax’s Sleeping With Seacrest.”   Seacrest was unavailable for comment because he was auditioning to replace Vince Scully as the voice of the LA Dodgers yesterday afternoon.       

msnbc

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Oxygen’s Talk Sex show with colorful septugenarian Sue Johanson is ending its run after six seasons, the network announced Tuesday.   A course close to the 77 year old entertainer said that after 32 years on the air, Johanson was leaving to spend more time with her dildoes family.   Let’s all join hands and pray that she too isn’t replaced by Ryan Seacrest – when she’d stand and wag a sex toy at you like a witch waves her crooked finger it was bad enough, but to see Ryan do it would be downright horrifying. 

Associated Press 

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A Columbia co-ed whose $11,000 blond mink coat disappeared while she was at a party has found it – when she was flipping through OK! Magazine, she saw a photo of Lindsay Lohan wearing it!   Realizing Lindsay had been at the same party, the co-ed had her attorney contact Lohan’s lawyer, and the coat was returned the next day.  

Surprisingly, sources close to the actress seemed pleased with the story.  “It’s just good to see Lindsay taking actions toward putting clothes on for a change,” said the source.  “Usually when Lindsay rips off clothes, it’s for a photographer or a guy named Fulvio or Luigi or Roberto or someone with that irresistible combination of a cell phone camera and a penis.”

E! On-line

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Clad in underwear                                                                             

Bald, drunk, staggers in the yard    

Just like my grandpa.

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Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby shower at the family homestead in Louisiana over the weekend; according to People Magazine, it was a small gathering, with 30 guests including her big sister Britney.  The party, held at the family homestead, was a ladies-only catered celebration for the Zoey 101 star, who just turned 17 last month.   “Jamie Lynn opened every gift,” says a source. “We all sat in a circle and she opened gifts and thanked every person. It was just a good old-fashioned baby shower.”   According to sources, gifts included a school lunchbox with illustrations of Lamaze exercises, an EZ bake oven configured to boil baby formula, and a subscription to Weekly Breeder Magazine. 

Fox

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