Paul McCartney was awarded with an honorary music degree at Yale University last weekend.  According to sources at Yale who insisted on not being revealed, there was one unfortunate moment when Heather Mills showed up claiming she was entitled to half the degree.   When Mills was rebuffed by authorities, she eased her sorrows by disappearing into one of the frat houses, where according to the brothers inside she impressed an impromptu crowd with her “disappearing leg trick.”

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Amazing but true:  Heather Mills, still bitter about getting only $50 million in her divorce settlement, has hired a team of forensic accountants to go through everything and prove that Paul McCartney has $1.6 billion.   Meanwhile, sources close to Paul say he’s hiring a forensic psychologist to dig into the deepest recesses of his mind to try to determine what the hell he was thinking when he married her. 

Daily Mail

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Paul McCartney seems to take a dig at Heather Mills in his latest CD – and his huge public following is thrilled about it.  According to some fans, the track “Mister Bellamy” is clearly intended as an anagram for “Mills Betray Me.” Included in the song is the line: “I’m not coming down, no matter what you say.” Another says: “No one to tell me what to do”; according to longtime Beatles fans, these words “have got to be about Heather… after all, she’s the ultimate betrayer.”   Music critics report that shrewd listeners also suspect the line “Go drown in a lake of burning pus, you one-legged whore” could be a reference to Mills, as might be the couplet “While I have Beatrice for the weekend / Why don’t you go dance on a landmine, bitch?”  

Daily Mail

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#1 in America:   “Horton Hears a Who!”   

 #1 in England:  “Macca Heaves A Ho!” 

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According to sources closes to the British justice system, Heather Mills is to receive a divorce settlement of up to $93 million from Sir Paul McCartney.  Details of the settlement were in a preliminary High Court judgment sent to the estranged couple and their legal advisers.  Asked for comment at an Albany press conference, Eliot Spitzer expressed admiration for the former Beatle.  “Over the course of six years,” said the former governor, “that’s a better hourly rate than I got from my ho.”   Taking a step back, the governor added, “Of course, mine had both her legs.” 

Daily Mail

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In an obvious snub of Heather Mills, Paul McCartney performed the song “Live And Let Die” and dedicated his lifetime achievement award at the Brit Awards last night to the woman who inspired the song, his first wife Linda. Meanwhile, according to music industry sources, Heather spent the evening Ferrari-shopping with royalties from the song. 

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From Dear Old Blighty comes word of increased tension between Paul McCartney and the jitterbugging phlebotomist.  The latest squabble is over their daughter’s schooling; the former Beatle is determined that four-year-old Beatrice should not be educated privately when she starts in the autumn.  Presumably Heather is concerned that if the child is exposed to the lower classes, she could meet a scheming venal whore who’d try to milk her for her money and fame.  

 Daily Mail

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In this explicit photo she pulled down her top to expose her breats and opened her legs wide in this classic porn magazine pose.  Heather Mills flaunted her private parts in this sordid picture.  Across the pages of the magazine, a pouting Heather boasts: “I’m gonna drive you crazy with my body…”.   How can she deny these pictures?  A month ago, the estranged wife of Beatles legend  Paul McCartney went on TV and cried and ranted hysterically that newspaper stories of her porn past were untrue.  She was a “glamour model”.  The pictures say otherwise. 

News of the World

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