Sex Lies and Hollywood

Britney Spears has been in yet another car crash, this time rear-ending a red SUV on Sunset Boulevard.  Britney didn’t make People Magazine’s “100 Most Beautiful People Issue,” but she’s looking like a lock for Car & Driver’s “100 Most Un-insurable.”

telegraph

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Britney Spears was in stop-and-go traffic on an LA highway on Saturday night when she slammed into the back of the Nissan in front of her.  Happily she was unhurt in the accident but according to sources close to the performer, she’s now such a bad insurance risk that Geico has said they’ll only carry her policy if she agrees to appear in their commercials as a tradeoff.   Normally Britney is too big a star to do commercials, but the source says she’s desperate to keep her license so you may soon be seeing the following commercial:                                                                                      ANNOUNCER:  Jane Myers is a real Geico customer, not a performer, so we hired Britney Spears to help tell her story.  JANE MYERS:  I only got my license 6 months ago.  BRITNEY SINGS:  Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman.  JANE MYERS: It was the fourth time I’d backed my car into my mom’s.  BRITNEY SINGS: Oops I did it again.    JANE MYERS: My dad was furious!  BRITNEY SINGS:  Hit Me Baby One More Time.  JANE MYERS:   I begged my Geico agent not to drop me as a client, and he said BRITNEY SINGS:  I’m A Slave 4 U.  ANNOUNCER:  Geico.  Real service, real savings.   BRITNEY SINGS: Overprotected… 

Ireland On-Line

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Britney Spears was ordered by a court commissioner Monday to pay ex-husband Kevin Federline $375,000 to cover his attorney fees in their child-custody dispute.   Federline has custody of the couple’s two children and is apparently expecting a third.

showbuzz

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The The video for Britney Spears’ forthcoming single Break The Ice is set in a futuristic world, and stars a cartoon version of Britney as a superhero — the star’s own idea.  According to sources close to Britney, she hopes this is just a preamble to a feature length movie in which she’ll have superpowers including:  wings so she can fly up to paparazzi helicopters and fling them to the ground with her tempered-steel fists; no muffin-tops; hands so fast they can beat up 35 paparazzi at once and stir Kool-Aid powder into water instantly while leaving no sediment at the bottom; a 90 day chip; and laser vision that can instantly cook fried chicken, meth, and bacon mashed potatoes without setting off smoke alarms.

The Sun

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For weeks, Hollywood has been abuzz with rumors that Britney Spears may be pregnant again. And the speculation reached a fever pitch in Hollywood yesterday when she unveiled a conspicuous bump. That followed news that she was seen at a medical center in LA earlier in the week .  Already the rumors have sparked a media frenzy; while J.Lo is selling pictures of her babies to magazines, Britney’s frequent flashing of her vagina has led several tabloids to make a new kind of offer to the paparazzi — $1 million for the first photo of the baby crowning. 

Daily Mail

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For the first time in nearly two months, Britney Spears was allowed face to face contact with sons Sean Preston and Jayden James during a court monitored visit over the weekend.  During their time together Britney hugged her sons, played games with them, and hopefully did not accidentally show them her vagina.

E! online

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And we thought the old Mouseketeer was retired.  Note to celebrities:  yes, tabloids pay millions for photos of your babies, but we’re sick of seeing where they come from.    

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According to sources close to Britney Spears’ family, “She needs to rein herself in. She needs to take a break from the limelight - from showbiz - and just concentrate on getting herself better, and being with her family.”   Her family is expected to announce this week that Britney’s private healing process will be the subject of an upcoming reality TV show on the E! network.

Mirror

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Britney was in such a bad state at an OK! magazine photoshoot that she vomited on a Gucci dress and let her Yorkshire terrier defacate on a $6,700 Zac Posen gown.  “It’s definitely the most bizarre shoot I’ve ever been on” said the editor in chief of OK! magazine.   Her bizarre behaviour has heightened fears she is spiralling out of control. Is there any doubt?  The story just gets worse.  She’s babbling incoherently and talking baby talk.  This story gets worse by the day. 

Daily Mail

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You have to feel sorry for this girl.  It is so sad.  During an interview and photoshoot for OK! magazine, she was ”completely out of it”.   Its been reported that ”Britney was in a shocking state. She was babbling incoherently, talking in baby talk. She didn’t make sense.”  Her eyes were rolling back, she was talking nonsense. She ate some food and vomited over her Gucci dress.  She was a mess.  She also seemed to be hallucinating, and kept saying strange and worrying things.”  Her mood, sources claim, was extremely erratic, and she was reportedly fearing the ceiling was about to cave in on her.  Isn’t there anyone who can help this girl.   

This is London

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